Deja Vu in Vienna

Vienna likes to sleep in. At least most of the cafes I walked past this morning, perhaps it's only an american thing to go for coffee before ten. I did find this incredible whole grain/organic bakery on Mariahilferstrasse, though. Really great.

It is a humongeous city. Well, I suppose it is the captitol. The tall building and skinny streets remind me of San Francisco. It is an ancient city, but there is an energy to it and a youthful vibrancy to its artistic scene. I am sitting in front of Cafe Sperl in a small yard with a few flowerbeds along a moving street. The "Oma" Kaffee I ordered was very good, I wonder what it was exactly.

This reminds me of a story I started writing about two people with no names. The man was a traveller, and in the opening paragraph he is sitting on a bench contemplating the "Tasse von Himmel" he had had in Vienna. Or somewhere in Austria. Ironic. Perhaps this was one of my dreams I didn't realise, but now I'm living it. Having an amazing cup of coffee in the center of Vienna and writing a few notes down. Quite artistic and a bit on the romantic side. Oh well, as I once said to a friend, "I'm a sailor, a musician, a writer and an artist; I think I'm allowed to be romantic."

On one hand it's a little difficult to be traveling by myself. On the other, I feel a little more relaxed and the days lie before me. I can see what I want in whatever order, or even wander around in circles if I wish. I can follow in the footsteps of Fatty Goodlander and write for four hours a day, or sit and contemplate Viennese architecture. But ultimately, things are much more worthwhile when you have someone to share them with. There isn't anyone to tast this coffee and help me try to distinguish the ingredients to an OmaKaffee, or remark on the day's events. However, my pen is always here and he's currently quite willing to contribute to this experience.

Now it is four minutes past ten and Vienna seems to be stretching her arms and yawning.

Simple Harmonies

I really like this, it spoke out to me more than the original version. It's acoustic, raw, simple. Well done. It's real.

A Moment of Peace

Through all this chaos in life, everything that could possibly go wrong going wrong, every intention moving backwards, every smile only superficial, every spare thought hoping the day will be over. In the midst there has been born a moment of peace, a second to think and reflect, an idea to be realized. The world can go on, the daily grist will keep being ground, the pace continually set up a notch. But life, true life is eternal and all else are merely the details. Time is relative; our paths move in harmonic, tangent, beautiful lines like streaks of daylight weaving through the ocean. Whatever is meant to be will be, and if in His will, all will work together for good, no matter the doubts or the impossibilities. We only see a facet of reality; our minds cannot encompass the fullness of Truth on their own. Feelings are perhaps also relative, but deep knowledge within the heart, if the heart has been cleansed in the fullness of God's truth, is something of one's spirit and should not be ignored. There is something beyond what we may intend to do with our time and our earthly lives; every mishap, every turn that we didn't mean to take, every place we never imagined we would come to is part of the path for a reason. Finding the reason is not the object here, though. The reason often does not become apparent until afterwards, or perhaps never in this part of the journey. Nothing is done in vain, and we are finite in our logic. We must trust in divine grace and guidance for many things, and simply keep living, fighting the fight and running the race.

I believed I must have run out of compassion, and patience. I thought I was through and there was no way I could endure the situation any longer other than to extricate myself. But something struck me from behind your eyes and I realised that whether things went my way or not, the connection was meant to be there and it was not my place to sever it. The form of connection may change, but the contact itself will not end yet. It cannot be forced into some predetermined form that others can identify and understand, it is its own and I must let it take its course. My feelings I can release, and my want to control it, but the connection will go on the way it was meant to be, to fulfill its original purpose. I don't know what that purpose is, or what it could mean on a future day, but someone greater than myself is guiding it and so I relinquish my responsibility, and I find my given freedom in my own course through the infinite galaxies of time and space.     

A Broken Dream Revisited

It was a connection I didn't know I still had. It had been made so long ago, in a formative stage of my youth, another life it feels like. Perhaps she was the first vessel I turned my eyes upon after the notion of having my own boat had entered my head.

At my age then, she seemed a nicely sized boat, her twenty-five feet encompassing all the space I could possibly need. She was glorious with her forest green hull polished glassy, nifty brass portholes, varnished teak and mahogany. No engine, but she didn't need one, oh no. Norm took her out regularly and skillfully brought her back in under sail every time. True, she was all wood, but she had been well kept by a man who loved her. She was beautiful with a name to reflect it. Adagio. She had a character all her own, I talked to her sometimes as I paused in my dock wanderings. She was small and cute, but strong and well built. I dreamed about her and she filled me with ideas and ambition.

Some time went by. I returned to Moss Landing and found that Norm was no longer able to keep Adagio, she'd been given to the wooden boat lady to sit with two unfinished projects. Remembering my connection, I asked about her. It was a price far beyond me, something I couldn't be prepared for. So I let her go, I let her stay and I moved on in life. I went to school and experimented with different areas of interest, I suppose I developed my mind. Time passed anyways. Adagio languished by herself and became a neglected derelict. I forgot about my dream, only the passing fancy of a child.

But I was wrong. A piece of my heart stayed somewhere amongst the green paint and dark mahogany. Perhaps first inspirations stay with you like that. She did, at any rate. I realised that as I looked at two pieces in the scrap yard yesterday, a little bow piece and a little stern piece. Old paint on them, still cute and dainty, traces of her lines in them yet. Years after that first notion, boats make up most of my life and a day hardly goes by without a trip to the harbor or the smell of teak and varnish. And little Adagio is gone without the breath of new life I dreamed of giving her, the love and care that she deserved, the sailing she longed to have. She was my first dream, she owned a corner of my heart, she gave me inspiration. I didn't realise all she was to me, how influential she was, how she impacted my life. And now she is gone.

The Heart of the Sailor

The Ocean, it is pulling me off the shore. How badly I want to go with her and learn her secrets. Ever since I was a child she has called to me like a siren with alluring sunsets, bright sunrises and a calming voice echoing with the waves. She holds everything I need to live, but also possesses a finicky temper that could kill me without a thought. I have no desire to conquer her, for I believe that to be impossible. I only want to know her, to understand her complexities and her moods.

There are other things I love in this earth, but none that demand my heart like the Sea. It is as if I am left with no choice but to pursue her until my last breath has been drawn from me. It is hard to believe that she will allow me human love either, for she possesses other hearts as well. Perhaps we are meant to be fellow slaves to the same end, ceaselessly striving to understand that incredible force of nature, that Ocean...

A Calm in the Unknown

It is possible to have peace when the future seems uncertain. Not that I've ever seriously doubted the reality of it, but when things are going how they "should" be according to our miniscule selves the security factor overtakes what the true peace is all about. Trusting in His greater plan for me, and that this new direction is the right one, the inevitable one, is what really brings me peace. Yeah, a lot of things in my life are up in the air or unknown at the moment, but they'll work out and things will get better, and no matter what happens or what mistakes I make in the future He will always accept me for who I am and set me back on my feet. I don't think I will ever come to understand true love completely, but I see facets of it often and if I can just reflect the Father's unconditional love, then everything will fall into place. Because the most important thing is to love Him with all your heart, mind and soul, and love your neighbor (basically everyone). People can talk about "love," but this love is the real true Love that will last for eternity.

Danke!

Today, I just have thankfulness in my heart. The people I've been allowed to meet, befriend, work with, live with... It's incredible, and I don't deserve the point I have reached. So if you're out there, thank you!