Jack Tar and the Cello Ashore

Some Thoughts from Rockwell Kent

2012-01-15T23:30:00.000-08:00

"Only the voyager perceives the poignant loveliness of life, for he alone has tasted of its contrasts. He has experienced the immense and wild expansion of the spirit outward bound, and the contracted heartburn of the homecoming. He has explored the two infinities - the external universe - and himself."

...

"What forces men on to the deliberate quest of miseries and danger? Are they remote yet deeply rooted habits of a race which once delighted in adventure for the gain it held, that still assert themselves against the very soul's desire for peace and the mind's clear understanding of the paths that lead there? Is it a far-visioned life-force maintaining itself against the disintegrating allurements of ease, a militant expression of the subconscious will that's cognizant of individual weakness, an assertion in contraries of the complex of inferiority? Is bravery the cloak of cowardice?"

It is a bit wordy, I know, but when you get through it it's really a great piece of work. I find it quite interesting, the whole idea of our inherent desire for comfort and peace but also our thirst for adventure and everything that could cause discomfort and disrupt whatever peace there is. Humans are contradictory beings. Sometimes you'll be out in the cold and wet, and all you want is to be dry and wrapped in a blanket in front of a fireplace, and you ask yourself "why am I out here? How did I let myself be fooled into thinking this was a good idea?!" But eventually you pull through, and after you are wrapped up in your blanket, you start to think "hey, that wasn't a bad idea... It makes this blanket worth so much more." It definitely gives value to things that otherwise would be commonplace. Appreciation comes from perspective, so if you change yours often, I believe you will appreciate more things in the long run.

That Feeling When...

2012-01-04T19:38:00.000-08:00

New sheets make sleep amazing. A good session makes one stoked. Hitting every single note at the right time makes the music come alive. Catching the best ride yet causes euphoria. Watching an infant makes one appreciate our inherent capacity to learn. Sunsets make me dream of distant horizons. Wind makes me want to go sailing. Love makes my head spin.

Something Akin to Joy

2012-01-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

I think Joy is a place; that distinguishes it from Happiness which I think is a feeling. I've been feeling a lot of happiness lately, but I believe there is a piece of joy in there as well. There is peace in many things, and I have had a few clear thoughts recently. Not thoughts that should be posted here, but they were clear nonetheless. I think it is a good start to the year, and if I get half as many weeks that are this amazing in the rest of the year then I shall count myself lucky indeed.

Alles Gute zum Weinachten

2011-12-25T01:12:00.000-08:00

It's funny when you think everything in your life is finally relatively stable, and then it becomes obvious that it isn't! But sailors are prone to instability; it is sort of a given with the life. Anyhow. This is arguably turning into the best Christmas of my entire life. The new year is going to be a glorious fresh page to start on. So much to do, but I feel it's going to be amazing! Spontaneity is a beautiful thing.

Breathed In, Breathed Out...

2011-12-18T23:35:00.000-08:00

There is a strange sort of peace floating over everything. I swear it's almost visible. Cleared the dissonance, and I can move on. There was much less to deal with than originally expected, but it is good now that it's done, nonetheless. Now as I view the restructuring (or destructuring?) of my life, it seems the possibilities are endless. It was good advice.

On the Eve

2011-12-18T00:10:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow cannot come soon enough. Nor can it be far enough away. There is fear and anxiety, yet there is also anticipation. There will be a change tomorrow, and I am determined it shall be for the better. For the best of all concerned. It may not seem apparent at first, but I know inside that it is the inevitable answer, that it was meant to be this way. There is a grinding against the natural grain and it needs to be fixed. I only pray my action is soon enough and strong enough to create the required effect and put to right everything that has gone askew. Calculations and theories can only go so far before you must abandon them in the speed of events, and replace them with gut reactions and the leading of your heart. This particular situation involved no calculations or theories, but I thought I may as well be thorough in my statement.
Tomorrow is my nemesis, but it will hopefully be a new beginning by the time it has passed.

Like Jimmy Says It

2011-12-16T23:45:00.000-08:00

There has been much happening lately, and not enough time or creativity to write it down, or use it metaphorically to type into a post. I feel like I don't have enough time to think when an event hits me, and I'm still trying to react or counterbalance it, or figure it into an equation when the next one comes rolling in. Rather like those huge long sets when the spring swell hits, and you get stuck in the whitewater.

Basically, I'm trying to take everything with a grain of salt and just breathe. Watching life flick by is rather interesting when it's going too fast to make major course changes. It is like Jimmy Buffett says in that one song, "Breathe in, breathe out, move on..." Precisely like that, it's a nice feeling. Things will settle out, and it'll be good. It's incredibly good at the moment; I've been pleasantly surprised.

Introspective People Watching

2011-12-13T12:01:00.000-08:00

It's a strange sort of day
An odd day to sit on a cold bench
But the weather is not exactly cold
And people's ant-like lives
Are so infinitely interesting to watch.

Preoccupied, a man walks by
Coffee in hand, with suit and tie
A girl and boy in dialogue
But she looks down
And he talks to the fog.

It's on the hour
The crowd streams past
Individuals, hopelessly disconnected
You may be important in your virtual world
But from 100 feet up you are an ant.

What if a piano fell from the sky
Or a hole sunk into the earth
Well it wouldn't matter if it were your neighbor
But that's just another wonder of our evolving culture.

When Man Reaches Perfection, Let Me Know...

2011-11-22T13:06:00.000-08:00

It's odd, lately I've been noticing how everyone is so caught up in their own agendas. They get stuck in their view of the world, or whatever group they belong to, and they close their minds to everything outside. Even the human rights people seem to have lost sight of real humanity. Nobody likes to admit that they may be partially wrong. Which they all are; that's the beauty of our imperfection. If you can call it that. Killing the rich people and initializing complete anarchy is not going to fix our problems, neither is converting our government to a socialist format, nor continuing in the manner we currently are. They divide the people in half and pit the sides against each other, meanwhile pulling off the backboard agenda. It's all been done before but it just seems so clear right now. We seem to have all lost our integrity. I suppose that's not anything new either. Truth is, it's all a huge mess. But we are never without hope.

From Belle & Sebastian

2011-11-17T20:44:00.000-08:00

You're my picture on the wall
You're my vision in the hall
You're the one I'm talking to
When I get in from my work
You are my girl, and you don't even know it
I am living out the life of a poet
I am the jester in the ancient court
You're the funny little frog in my throat

I had a conversation with you at night
It's a little one sided but that's all right
I tell you in the kitchen about my day
You sit on the bed in the dark, changing places
With the ghost that was there before you came
You've come to save my life again

Thoughts From the Past

2011-11-09T22:20:00.000-08:00

Found this. I thought it rather amusing. Sometimes you just can't take life seriously anymore, it gets too weird and confusing, rather like Alice in Wonderland except the nightmare version. Anyhow.

16 February 2010
There is freedom in cynicism, and sarcasm. I can't remember which one I meant to write about. Maybe I'll catalog both.
Cynicism offers a lot of freedom, at a closer glance. Although if overdone you'll be called a "wet blanket," you can voice valid doubts in an artistic way. If you're known for being a cynic you may not be taken seriously, which is why you have to be selective in what you're cynical about, and not just throw random opinions out. Cynicism is good in it's rightful place.
Sarcasm, on the other hand, is more of a character trait than cynicism. It's a sense of humor delivered in an ironic voice. However, sarcasm can also carry a serious note, alluding to an actual doubt that really isn't funny. Thus, something you actually worry or are concerned about is carried in a cynical joke, and the person on the other end may or may not unwrap your true meaning (depending on how good your sarcasm is, and how creative the other person is). More often than not, the phrase goes out the window as mere sarcasm (sarcastic humor); either or both sides of the dialogue choosing not to head into the deeper sense of the conversation.

I was definitely overthinking the concepts. Hah. Some things never change.

Nobody Cares If More Saltwater Falls Into The Sea

2011-11-07T15:29:00.000-08:00

...And apparently I can't do anything right.

Ninety-one

2011-11-06T13:53:00.000-08:00

I'm not generally a dark person. I like being introspective, but I don't usually lose hope in life. However, I've always had an interest in music that gravitates towards that view. People say it affects you eventually and I wonder if that is true. In some ways, it is the most honest type of music in relation to humanity. It reflects our suffering, our anger, our imperfections... It outlines our need for something greater than ourselves.

As an ending aside, distorted cello is the bomb.

Music

2011-10-30T12:23:00.000-07:00

Music is a language. It crosses the voids between cultures, it fills the gaps between words, it melts the ice of stark civility. It does not define or explain emotion - it becomes emotion, expressing the sentiments of the soul.

Disillusionment

2011-10-27T00:58:00.000-07:00

** Referring to my last post... sorry, broke the rule again and went where I really shouldn't here. EVER. And, look what happened, exactly what always happens when I try to write those things out, totally NOT what was supposed to be there. For the record, my views have changed about the whole situation, so whatever may have pissed you off or made you confused is entirely inaccurate. I am not going to delete it, or change it, or try and rewrite it. It's staying to prove a point: that this really could never exist as a political-based page. My sincere apologies.

On the other hand - Disillusionment. Movements, people, ideas... are never as they seem. Truth is often lost in a swamp of biased causes. 'Well, I told you that because I needed you to...' If we presented things as they really are, could we even begin to grasp the actual situations? Leavin that.

Anything But Simple

2011-10-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

Well at least many now acknowledge that there are problems. They are... somewhat organized. In class today we lightly touched on Aristotle's ideas on the Drama. As the audience, you put aside your life for the 2hours or however long, and you take on the emotions of the characters. At the end you are a changed person.

It is true, resistance must be organized. But it must also use the greatest assets of the resistors against the opposing force. In short, these assets must be assessed, you have to find them. It's true we are greater in number, but that may not be our greatest asset. Standing around in the street is good for some purposes, like raising awareness. But was it our best move, was it the most productive thing we could have done? I think one of our better edges is that we are not all stupid yet. Just sayin, we need to come up with something better, something that actually has an effect on the situation. What is the effect in this case? We proved that they have OC spray and we don't. Already proven in the Seattle protests. I'm not suggesting nothing good came of it, just that it could have been better. I have a harsh and cynical view, it's true, but it's still my opinion.

Advice In Passing ~

2011-10-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

To be truly challenging, a voyage, like a life, must rest on a firm foundation of financial unrest. Otherwise you are doomed to a routine traverse, the kind known to yachtsmen, who play with their boats at sea - "cruising," it is called. Voyaging belongs to seamen, and to the wanderers of the world who cannot or will not fit in. If you are contemplating a voyage and you have the means, abandon the venture until your fortunes change. Only then will you know what the sea is all about.

"I've always wanted to sail to the South Seas, but I can't afford it." What these men can't afford is not to go. They are enmeshed in the cancerous discipline of "security." And in the worship of security we fling our lives beneath the wheels of routine - and before we know it our lives are gone.

What does a man need - really need? A few pounds of food each day, heat and shelter, six feet to lie down in - and some form of working activity that will yield a sense of accomplishment. That's all - in the material sense. And we know it. But we are brainwashed by our economic system until we end up in a tomb beneath a pyramid of time payments, mortgages, preposterous gadgetry, playthings that divert our attention from the sheer idiocy of the charade.

The years thunder by. The dreams of youth grow dim where they lie caked in dust on the shelves of patience. Before we know it, the tomb is sealed.

Where, then, lies the answer? In choice. Which shall it be: bankruptcy of purse or bankruptcy of life?

~Sterling Hayden

Issues Rising

2011-10-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

Today was interesting.

The Liszt bicentennial concert happened. It was in honor of a man who donated a concert piano to the music department last month. He loved the piano. He died two weeks ago. He left two kids who are in high school.

This evening I watched a film called Patagonia Rising. It documents how a water corporation owned by foreign investors is trying to build hydroelectric dams across the two major rivers of Patagonia, Chile. It would displace thousands of farmers who have lived along the river banks for years, flood their farmlands and doubtless have a large impact on the local flora and fauna. The even bigger issue with it is that it wouldn't produce half as much energy as other sustainable options like solar panels or windmills.

The answers? I certainly don't know. Personally, I'd prioritize human injustices over environmental ones. Often they are interconnected, but honestly when it comes to keeping emaciated children from dying or saving a plot of rainforest trees there is absolutely no question in my mind. There is a balance of man and nature somewhere, but it hasn't been discovered yet. I think there are too many of our skewed desires on the planet for it to work, too many politics, nuts and bolts, too many people who don't give value to a soul... And really, if you don't have a soul, what do you have?

Hunger only for a taste of justice
Hunger only for a word of truth
'Cause all that you have
Is your soul.

Time winds on...

2011-09-24T20:51:00.000-07:00

Crank, crank, crank...

I am extremely grateful to Rimsky-Korsakov for orchestrating many works by other Russian composers that would otherwise fall beyond the edge of gnarly and well into the realm of insanity. That being said, there is still much chromaticism to conquer... onward my brave stragglers of the community orchestra, that notable band consisting of me, myself and I.

Sarcasm seems to be reigning supreme this weekend. As well as bad humor.

"I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. It was terrible. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"My dog has no nose."
-"Oh really? How does he smell?"
"Awful!"

"I never could believe in Santa Claus, because no white dude would ever go near my neighborhood after dark."

"Cruisers' plans are carved in Jell-O."

"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning."

A Story Waiting to be Written

2011-09-10T22:18:00.001-07:00

I usually am inspired to express myself in writing, but lately I've been using other mediums. Anyhow.

Dropped the business class! I feel a little pressure relieved... This thing should be totally doable now. "Should" being the operative word here. I'd really like to do Nano again this year, so we'll see how doable that turns out to be. I even have an idea if I do Nano.

This box of books ended up in the Word Shop. That wasn't the remarkable thing; there are multitudes of boxes that end up in the shop in any given month. There was a small book lying amongst a bunch of other old musty books, and Alliee set it in front of me as she rooted through the box. The book had a navy cover with a yellow poppy on the front. It was a book of poems in German about California. The first page was autographed by the author and looked like it had originally been given to a friend. The poems had been written between 1898 and 1906 and were organized according to subject - Yosemite, Love Songs, Nature Songs... As I thumbed through the timeworn pages regretting my poor recollection of college German, a photograph fell out. It was a small one, apparently taken with a Brownie camera. There were 3 men in the photo with a dog. After a detailed discussion with Justin about the many small things we picked out in the photo, we decided it was probably taken in the 1930's. Another thing that was hidden in the book was a pressed carnation. Most intriguing.

The Last 12 Hours

2011-08-28T22:16:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow the old things start again. Books, pencils, whiteboards, keyboards, skeptical professors taking role and combating waitlist problems... I like playing with the idea that this will be my last semester. I feel like there is only so much of this I can take before I implode. I like using my brain and analyzing things, but now I've realized that bending energy to school alone is completely futile. In the end it's just a scrap of paper you can push at people when you're begging on your knees for a job. Unless coupled with real experiences and creativity, schooling is hard to use by itself. But anyways...

Looking back, I can honestly say this was a good summer. Things were accomplished, I did travel a little, I made some new friends, some amazing experiences were had... Yeah, a success. I also worked a reasonable amount. Life without school was quite awesome indeed. I could definitely live without it now.

Ok, one thing I am looking forward to in school is Theory III. I can't be completely down on school, because I'm taking my last theory class with Fred. It's apparently the hardest, and there is much analyzing, but it is going to be great. More opportunities to witness Inevitability and Simultaneity in action!

Totally Wired

2011-08-20T07:45:00.000-07:00

Basically it. I didn't sleep hardly at all and woke up at 5.30. It wasn't worth it to go back to sleep, so I am embarking on a test of physical exertion. Yesterday was just awesome. There were almost too many people, and I wanted to talk to everyone.... But it was a good time.

One time I read about someone who was "trying to live life like a poem," and I think that is really beautiful. Living it like a novel is one thing, but poetry has symmetry, it has rhthym, it makes sense out of disorderly ideas. When you start doing things spontaneously you never expected yourself to do, I think that's the beginning of the poem...

A Piece of Blue Sky...

2011-08-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

It's clouded back over today. Not really what I wanted, but I suppose I can deal with it. I'm going to start working on German again. I don't know exactly why, I'd just hate to lose it all. The last few days it started uncovering itself in my mind and I'd try to remember the words and phrases for things. I forgot the word for Table - can't believe that- Der Tisch...

New-to-me cd of Yiruma, First Love. I like his creativity, but I almost wish he'd follow through with the Inevitability and let the ideas develop a little more. No need for new material, but just let the Inevitability work itself out and escape near-repetition. Unfortunately, most of the jacket is in Korean... one of the few parts in English is a poem he wrote:

When the love falls in your dream,
the time flows like a river in you.
When you're in love,
that is the time when the night falls.
But I wish you wait until the morning comes.
I've finally found you.

I was having this discussion of sorts with a friend about the importance of romance in a love story. It would be an interesting love story that had no romance in it, but wouldn't it be rather dry? It would just be so much work. Which was his point. I can see how that would be useful, but how is it realistic? True, our imaginations conjure up more romance than there actually is, but how could a love story exist without it? Every beautiful action taken in love is how it makes itself known. Those are the things you notice, and then you realize it's presence and it is an exquisite moment. It's true I am a romantic, so I suppose I should stop arguing and realize that the Romantic era is technically past with impressionism and and huge emotional paintings. Somehow the ideas still live on, though. With certain individuals who can't reconcile themselves to this age of technological advancement...

The Enchanting Pacific

2011-08-04T11:10:00.000-07:00

I had not been out on the bay in so long. It was fantastic. Heading back into the harbor, the ocean was the most intriguing purple color... it always amazes me how it changes while the sun sets. As you grow up, your perspectives change and you get new dreams and ideas about what you want to do with your life, but when it really comes down to it I think your heart's original intentions come back. There's so much out there, and so many chances to take a fork in the road, but sometimes there's this pull that tells you where you were meant to be.

Tuesday evening was extremely encouraging, and it reminded me "oh yeah, I can write." Sometimes I just dump whatever happens to be on my mind into this page of cyberspace, and don't even think about it. Some of it is good, and a lot of it belongs in the recycle bin. Now that I actually have time, it wouldn't be a bad idea to get back into the habit of writing...

This was my scribble during the 10minute prompt. I honestly have no idea where the scene came from or the characters, for that matter. The prompts were "Despite" and "Trust."

    "Despite the fact that I trust you, I'm still leaving."
    She looked into his eyes as she said this, and saw a piece of his soul shatter. Utter despair replaced his previous look of hopefulness, and he leaned against a post on the station as he caught his breath. He looked at the large station clock. It was 5:53.
   "But what about the commission they offered you? It would only take a couple weeks."
     She lifted her delicate fingers to her veil and laughed. "Like I would want to spend 2 weeks painting that family. Their faces have no symmetry. It's 1907, I have many better opportunities awaiting me in New York."
   There was a quiet confidence in the way she daintily lifted her bag to the train steward and raised her skirts to board the 2nd class car. But she turned around once, the red curls along her temples swished in the light wind. The sun was setting, and he once again was looking hopeful. It was 6 o'clock.
    "Will I see you again?" he asked.
   "Goodbye."

And yes, I invented the phrase "she saw a piece of his soul shatter." It was perhaps the best thing I got out of the whole deal. But it is still a nugget. There are some things I really like about it, and others I absolutely hate. It was completely spontaneous, I've never written about 1907 or had any ideas to. Perhaps someday it'll be useful for something.Till then it will float about in my subconscious ocean of unorganized imaginations.

Hands at Work

2011-07-28T11:42:00.000-07:00

Having time to do things again is amazing. Being back is good too. The brain is a great thing to be able to harness but when it comes down to it, using ones hands makes you feel much more accomplished. Like you've actually done something. When you can sit back at the end of the day and feel your veins throbbing and your muscles relaxing themselves, then something definitely was done.

Some sort of life has come back into the Cello. She seems to have relented while I was away, and to tell the truth I missed her quite a bit. Strangely, the Goltermann concerto has not left my fingers completely, and I got on to the 3rd page, which I believe is the 2nd movement - the Bminor bit that's really beautiful. It seems doable, somehow. I think I may even get to page 9 before Christmas. Time will tell.

...and summer flies by, ever faster. There were a whole lot of things I wanted to do and I seem to have forgotten most of them. But I like the direction it's taking, it keeps my life interesting.

The Other Side of the Hill

2011-07-21T19:15:00.001-07:00

It's interesting going out of town for business trips, or "schooling" trips, as the case may be. I'm liking living in a new place with new things to do and a different style to try out, but I wish the workaholic mindset would go away. At least I know I'm doing my best to pass, though.

It's funny, things are faster down south, and more spread apart, and yet it doesn't take longer to get anywhere. Traffic is a given, but it's not stressful. It seems one could never get bored exploring the endless streets and suburbs, little hideaways you never knew existed. And obviously, the weather is much warmer.

New accquaintances always put an interesting spin on one's psychology. You realize patterns of thinking you didn't know you had; some good, some bad, and some that are just different. Some things stay the same, others move on. Thoughts still course through my mind... I don't believe dreams ever leave you completely.

A Strange Void

2011-06-30T11:04:00.000-07:00

The in-between times are odd. There is excitement and depression and everything gets mixed up while the next adventure is still out on the horizon somewhere. A crazy subconscious has left for the time, but memories of strange journeys remain; what were they about, and what was the point? Would you be weirded out if I told you all you did in my dream was stand while I wandered around looking for something, and you disappeared every time we were about to have a conversation? Would it be stranger still if you were in my dream before we ever met? If there is meaning behind everything that happens in our lives, how come we only realize it afterwards?...

Not Too Shabby

2011-06-21T10:17:00.000-07:00

Andrew Del Monte is one of my newest favourite composers, and it's nearly impossible to find any of his works online because he composes mostly for his high school choir. Happily, however, a friend from chorale uploaded our performances of two of his fabulous compositions. Surprisingly, we did a pretty clean job of it, if I may say so. Please listen and discover:

Il Mio Cuore and Homeward Bound by Andrew Del Monte

The Books Are In...

2011-06-19T16:11:00.000-07:00

I left school far behind as I walked out of my logic final about three weeks ago. But here I am, hitting the books yet again in midsummer. Life is ironic that way. I kind of wanted to wait a bit before taking the plunge to attempt the sixpack license, but knowing school starts the last day of August didn't leave me much time to weigh pros and cons. However, it's different when you're studying something related to your passion, something that goes beyond a requirement or a letter grade. I wish the rest of school was that way. More points scored for the School of Life, ahem....

Saw a beautiful boat today. She'd be a really nice "The boat" but her pricetag is far far beyond me. If I managed to make it big sometime in the future then I would definitely think about it. I think she'll be gone long before then. And its too much footage for me to tackle by myself at this point. Always good to keep the ideas flowing though, you never know where the future will spin your path.

Connections

2011-06-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

There are alot of different parts to my life, and they don't often interact with each other. But when they do it's awesome! If I hadn't worked at camp for 4 summers I might not have been taking the sixpack license class next month. Interesting to think about. Everything connects at one point or another, and it truly amazes me every time.

One Particular Journey

2011-06-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

The full feeling of summer has been breaking through this week, and it's a little strange but in a good way. It's the first June in four years that I haven't been summer staffing, and it feels new to have the next few months stretching before me and have to figure out what I'm going to do with it all. Quite wonderful, actually.

Yesterday we hiked about twenty-two miles through the park to a waterfall and back. As we got closer, we could hear the creek rushing, and the terrain changed and we were walking through these meadowish areas of clover and horsetails all covered by ancient redwood trees. It had a more open feel to it than just the closed redwood forest down at the entrance of the park. There was alot of anticipation right before we hit the waterfall as we scrambled up the creek. The waterfall itself was not that impressive. We thought we had got to the wrong one, and traveled further up the creek first, trying to see if there was a bigger one further up the canyon. To be honest, it was quite a nice waterfall, coming into the creek at a ninety-degree angle and surrounded by old pieces of an ancient railroad.

It reminded me of something that happened in theory class this past semester when we were studying preludes. We were trying to figure out the true return to the home key, and Fred was getting a little frustrated because we weren't seeing the obvious. The smart alec kid next to me said, "It's about the journey, Fred, it's about the journey." One of the more humorous parts of class I remember. Sometimes that statement has a lot of truth to it.

Words with Motivation

2011-06-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

It's like the adrenaline won't stop. Or the dopamine. Rather ridiculous. Usually rationality crashes through the barricade and reality resumes, but not this week. But it's kind of awesome. It is as if dreams were just on the horizon and you could see them, smell them and chase them, and it truly were possible to catch up to them. It's an exhilarating feeling that overwhelms and frees the mind from its tight black box. And its not a drug. Also, the cello is not happy with me right now, she's perfectly appalled and very jealous indeed. She doesn't want to be played; I tried. It was like sailing against a current with no wind. But she can wait.
Some words with so much meaning behind them they're like an adventure waiting to happen: Sailing. Cruising. Circumnavigation. Travel. Work. Life. Beginnings.

A Change in the Wind

2011-06-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

The past six months I've come to realize that virtually everything is perspective. I'm not sure how to explain it, but something to the effect of "one man's hell is another man's heaven." I suppose attitude has something to do with it certainly, but some situations can either be great or terrible depending on your perspective and what you want out of life. Some of us are so wrapped up in this need for security that we lose sight of all the experiences we could be having when we're working to keep that security. And then others of us are so far the other way that we stop trying to plan for the future. There has to be a fine medium in there somewhere, but where and how do you grasp it?

I just started Voyaging Southward from the Strait of Magellan by Rockwell Kent, which is proving quite interesting. He includes this bit by Bayard Boyesen after the introduction, rather intriguing:

Over the Ultimate

Who asks when
We that have done with doing and the blood-red tides of men
    Shall hold fast
    Ourselves at last?
Who cares when?

We that have dived o'er the morning and the thither sides of night,
What delight?
    Should we have your traces,
    Times and places -
What delight?

Ye that are day-things,
Reckoners of north and south,
       Of great things ruinous;
      What should ye know of us,
Us that have stars for our playthings,
    Yea, stars that browse on our mouth?

What life saith,
Shall we care,
We that have juttied through death
    And despair?

We that have joked with the mountain gales
    And sent them rattling home,
We that have held the morning's sails
    O'er the foam?
    Yet laughing at sails and mornings, all things that are still or roam?

What life saith
    Of its strife,
    Shall we care?
We that have juttied through death
    And despair,
Yea, and life!
      Shall we care?
      Of what shall we care?

9 More Days

2011-05-24T22:54:00.000-07:00

It's the downhill slope of the semester. So it shouldn't be bad, I'm almost there! For some reason the last 2 weeks are always hard for me though; I lose all initiative to study, but nonetheless the adrenaline and the stress keep right where they've been the whole semester. Perhaps this is the "zombie college student" stage, but a break is definitely in order.

A Current Crisis

2011-05-17T10:21:00.000-07:00

After 3weeks of expert procrastination, I've finally decided to do my persuasive speech on auditing the Federal Reserve. The main reason was that I already have a research paper from last semester about it, but also because people seem to be so uninformed. This morning, while conducting some up-to-date research (a surprising amount of things change in just 5 months) I found an article explaining what was discovered when the newspaper won out in the Bloomberg vs Federal Reserve lawsuit last year. Basically, the Fed bailed out foreign banks in Libya. And now we've invaded Libya. Interesting turn of events. Also interesting how history repeats itself.

The Fed posted a defense on their blog, Liberty Street (there's a link on the site I'm linking to this post) and most of it was technical garble. But the basic idea I got out of it was that they bailed out Libya because otherwise other world currencies such as the Euro would crash. Ok guys, nice job prolonging the inevitable I guess. It just makes it so much clearer that the American dollar truly is the "blood donor" in every case where a country's currency fails, and then a war comes along. The English pound would have been long gone after the World Wars if it weren't for the Fed.

Sorry for going political, but this is too important not to post about. Read about the new bill for auditing the Fed, known as the Federal Reserve Transparency Act - it takes less than 5 minutes to read - Audit the Fed!
Also, this is the link for the article I'm referring to that covers the bailout: The Centerlane he cites everything.

For My Friends

2011-05-10T21:23:00.000-07:00

This is old, but it's most likely one of the best bits I've ever written. After saying goodbye-for-now to yet another incredible cruiser friend back in 2008, I was inspired to write this one, For My Friends. I'll let it speak for itself.

Fair winds
And a following sea,
That's always the parting
For you and me
We've been in port
Now it's time to leave
Our days were short
Spent accordingly

Now I find
It's much too soon
I'd stowed my gear
Before I'd met you
I came to know
Our paths had crossed
And they would go
Just as the past

Maybe a letter
Perhaps a memory
Would let me remember
These days gone by
You went your way
I went mine
I'll look out for you
In the corner of my eye

That part of me gone
I look back to see
The land slowly fading from view
And the only thing
That's been left to me
Is our laughter
Fading to blue.

Dreams

2011-05-08T12:12:00.000-07:00

I don't get the impact of women's choirs. Men's choirs are powerful and deep in tone, children's choirs are sweet and innocent, boy's choirs are sonorous and emotionally moving. But women's choirs? The deep tone that is meant to reside in the bassline is lost in the difficult range of the alto voice; the notes below middle C do not have the resonance they might if they were sung by a tenor.

Besides my initial dislike of the blend of voices in a women's choir, the text of this particular piece, The Beauty of Your Dreams, is decidedly lacking. It's extracted from a single quote, which perhaps isn't the exact problem. The song builds in tonal depth as phrases are repeated, in what I think is generally called a more pointillistic approach. But the actual text does not build in depth, and it fails to inspire me. It talks about believing in your dreams, casting out fear, and facing the unknown. Unfortunately it doesn't explain how to cast out fear or where that strength eminates from. What if your dreams are not philanthropic? What if your dreams are ugly? Of course the philosophical perspective of extreme humanism it comes from is rather radical (that would be dictionary-definition of 'radical,' not slang for 'cool'). I mean, for this text to be inspiring you'd have to believe we all have wonderful dreams to create a better society for all humanity, that we have minimal evil intentions and are not swayed by greed or lust, and apparently we have super powers for facing fear and conquering the unknown. It's just not realistic enough to pull your heart strings or strike a chord with the soul.

Maybe she's talking not about visionary dreams, but literal dreams! Except there are very few literal dreams I would ever want to believe in, or hope to come true. I rarely remember my dreams, but this week I haven't slept without them, or actually remembering them that is. They're all very frustrating, though. Some of my worst were being able to understand English, but only thinking and talking in German, and more recently searching for something or someone and I didn't know what it was and I couldn't stop till I found it or them, and it just went on forever. Never did figure out what or who I was looking for. That's a tangent, it really has nothing to do with the song...

I keep coming back to Robert Burns, and the way his writing touches everyone. If you get past the Scottish slang, he is the everyday man's man. He writes about falling, about picking ourselves up to struggle on with the human life, loving with the depths of our being, death and taxes. In essence he explains following your dreams, and the human battle for existence. For indeed, isn't existence the simplest of dreams? He is a different pot of ink altogether, but that is the kind of dream, the facing of fears and the unknown, the beautiful dreams that relate to every man. Those are dreams that I do believe are beautiful, and are actually worth believing in.

Stats

2011-05-02T15:01:00.000-07:00

Beethoven was genius. Nothing is randomly thrown together; it's all thought out beforehand. He doesn't include something because it was popular, there's so much more to his process than that. He is "an unrestrained personality" according to Guerter. That doesn't denote alot of mystery to his process or his message.

If you're going to play some Irish songs, don't bring your fancy schmancy classical bowing and nonrhythmical accompaniment ideas - forget all that and fiddle like a peasant! Please, it would sound SO much better and stylistic.

Congratulations to Ukraine, Slovenia, Germany and the UK for being my top viewers after the US. And the Android users, who make up 11% of the systems used to view this blog. Haha

Molto Vivace Allegretto

2011-04-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

I've learned some interesting things in psychology, many of them quite useful. One I've been thinking about lately has been a concept on the way we perceive human actions. If someone does something, you will view it differently than if you yourself were doing the exact same thing. Known as the Fundamental Attributes Error, this is when you take one action of someone else and you attribute it to their everyday nature (Dispositional Attribution) (normally this is something you assume for negative actions, like bad driving). However, whenever you commit an error yourself, you view it with Situational Attribution - it was the situation that caused your behavior, and not part of your personality. Thus, we call people idiots when they turn in front of us on the street or do other aggravating things, but when we do something we're not idiots. We don't act like that everyday, do we?

Next time I have an energy drink I need to time it better. It most definitely got me through the last rehearsal, but now I'm wondering how far into the wee hours it will take me...

I Love You

2011-04-20T22:04:00.000-07:00

Somebody once told me I shouldn't say "I love you" to anyone unless I knew I was going to marry them. It doesn't seem like such a bad idea at first. But since then I've realised it doesn't make much sense at all. First, there is the definition of love:

Love is patient, and is kind; Love does not envy, it does not parade itself, it is not puffed up; Does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil; Rejoices not in inequity, but rejoices in the truth; Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Cor. 13)

Then we are commanded to love our neighbors and our brethren, and our enemies. Which is basically everyone we know, in generality. So if you're trying to love someone, why wouldn't you want to tell them at some point, especially if you actually care about them? Oh, well you say 'romantic love' is different. But is it? If you're referring to the world's interpretation of "love," it doesn't make sense to try and preserve something that is already corrupt and meaningless. So we are talking about the Christ-like love that actually means something, that we are called to do. I would never hold that back from anyone; what is the benefit? It seems almost selfish. I think I should say "I love you" while I can, because you never know which day may be their last.

April Sloshiness

2011-04-08T14:39:00.000-07:00

It would be an interesting experiment to see if nice weather follows certain people. It'd be even more interesting if there were some remote way people's moods affected the weather. The converse is obvious, which is rather disheartening for those looking for more sophisticated, psychological explanations of the natural world...

How come they named a flower after him?...

2011-04-04T21:14:00.000-07:00

The speed of technology really doesn't solve all the problems of communication. The same issues and frustrations are still there to be dealt with, and in some cases they are actually heightened. Its interesting, my friend mentioned that technology really in a way is simply clearing the path toward narcissism as a culture. Scary to think about, but all the elements are there. Interesting how history repeats itself...

Pocketful of Summer

2011-04-03T11:54:00.000-07:00

Taking a step back from school is always interesting. New perspectives are always good. It's amazing to wake up and not have the classic obligations. Even my work obligations aren't classic. Since when do you generally get up at 7am and start work 60 feet off the ground? Of course the weather always helps. Nothing like make believing it's summer for a week.

Monday!

2011-03-21T17:39:00.000-07:00

I honestly don't get the point of teenagers with minimal singing talent exposing themselves to the world's ears with the help of companies using synth machines. Besides money... But even from a financial perspective, wouldn't it be worth more to find someone who really has some talent in singing and songwriting? Or at least if you find a kid you like, give them some vocal lessons and some initiative for improvement. If they have a good stage personality (obviously we can't overlook the performance factor, which appears the largest) that's excellent, but you need someone who cares about the artistic and musical sense. What kind of impression do you think you're making on the younger generation?! Look at the crap they will consider to be "good music" just because it made it to MTV.

I think Pablo Cassalls is an amazing example of a prudent musician who made it to fame - because he was a good musician. He studied the Bach cello preludes for 15years before he even performed them for anyone. Our younger stars wouldn't have to go to that extreme, but really think what a difference it would make if they actually spent time gaining musicianship skills and really immersing themselves in the material. Even if it's pop - I don't care what genre it is - they need to take the time, really study it, know it backwards and forwards. Really understand it. Then I might have some respect for them. They may go through fire because they're famous, but that isn't any sort of excuse for cheap music.

The Length of Existence

2011-03-17T22:06:00.000-07:00

Just as I reach the beginning of my adult life, I am plastered with words, signs, advice that the world is ending quite soon. How ironic. Thanks guys, this is fun. It seems perhaps every generation has felt it was destined to be the last. So far, it hasn't proved to be the case. But here's a question: how much more would it matter if the world ended tomorrow instead of 2 weeks from now? What would you do differently if the world were ending tomorrow? Since we are not meant to know the day the world will end, why aren't we changing things right now? Today could be our last. If you live every day expecting, or at least prepared for it to be your last, think how much brighter they would appear. Instead of wondering how many days we have left on this blob of dirt and ocean, how about we stand in awe of the fact that we have been blessed with another day, an entire week, what - a whole year?! Perhaps it is a little backwards, but it's a much more positive outlook.

Floating Papers...

2011-03-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

Some poems I found from a while back. A few are decent. Most of them are either nonsense or plain misery. These are the better ones. I think the last one is the most poetic. The first one contains a reworded quote from Jon.

August 2009.
Don't you wish time would stop
So we could think and say
The things we really mean
Instead we live a puzzle
500 bits missing
Fill in the blanks with smiles
Tomorrow will be worse
Walking along the line
Don't look over the edge
Fate will take you all over
And bring you home in the end
Don't try to understand me
I guess you all the time
But perhaps it ain't you
Just the derangement of my mind.

September 2009.
Surrounded by these land sharks
I'm not a little surprised
How could this happen anyway
I can barely summarize
The face that I ain't in New Bedford
Nor shippin' out to sea
That I'm stayin' here in NorCal
It's sure dumbfounded me
But of course the saying's always been
"Jack Tar's a fool ashore"
And so I'll sail back out again
Where they'll be a problem no more.

October 2009.
Coffee warms my heart and soul
As I gaze through a misted windowpane
The streets are drenched in Pacific fog
Rolling from the ridge beyond.
Perhaps it's traveled from Hawai'i
Tahiti, Russia, or Japan
Now blanketing me with its presence
A thousand miles from home.
Is this the constant weather in England
I wonder as I watch
I've never been, so I wouldn't know,
Only what I've read in the books.
Then first it starts as just a dribble
That turns to a plop, then a pound
And my mind is off to Washington
As the rain keeps falling down.

March 2010.
Goodbye, the hardest word to say
Avoided until the end
Unhappy eyes that look away
Heart strings feeling a wrench.
Talk and laugh the minutes away
It's bound to come at last
Freely flowing, the unimportant
Cover the stillness in the air.
Until it's dropped quietly
Like a pin upon the tile
Could that little click mean so much?
Faces drop like birds in fall
The last syllable gone to the wind
One quick look, then gone forever
That's how our lives are spent.

A Clash of Forces

2011-03-11T18:02:00.000-08:00

Light and Darkness fought it out today. People were really agitating. There were also some idiots in connection with the tsunami warning. Really guys, I don't think you need to evacuate Santa Cruz county just yet. But I'm really thankful for the opportunity Cabrillo has given me for my musical education; I am definite I wouldn't get the same anywhere else. Or anything half as unique.

Something to think about in depth is Simultaneity. I first came across the concept in music theory, but it is a concept that applies to so many aspects of our infinitesimal lives. Things happening at the same time, each for multiple reasons, some for the same reasons... maybe some for no apparent purpose at all, but then you realise they trigger each other; so many events are connected. So many thoughts are connected. And somehow this mass of simultaneous events, thoughts, and feelings called the human life is categorized into sense. And now I have arrived at the incredibleness of the human brain, the human heart, the human spirit... Some obscure things are so interesting to think about.

Fantastic!

2011-03-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

I've been watching way too many films recently... Perhaps because I don't have to think, analyze interpret.. although I suppose I do it subconsciously anyways. I don't care if it was made old school style with puppets, it was fantastic.

One less thing to do! It may be one out of what seems like a hundred, but that's still 1% if mental distortion were reality, which it isn't. Therefore it's larger than 1%. Need to practice. Reading is moving up the list. Maybe this evening.
Something interesting from Kipling:
Truth is a naked lady. One must either turn away and pretend he never saw her, or give her a cotton petticoat to wear.

Dots

2011-03-03T20:07:00.000-08:00

Score creation time... Resolved:
1. learn to use macs better
2. learn Finale's hotkeys. asap.

It was a beautiful day today... and unfortunately I spent most of it inside.

Be Careful What You Wish For...

2011-03-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

Things are good. Incredibly complicated, but setting off on a new tack is always a bit complicated. You have to feel for the wind, uncleat the sheet to talk to the sail, try and decipher what the tiller is trying to tell you... Oh yeah, I'm currently reading Winning Tactics by Buddy Melges. Never have actually read much lit about tactics, so it's really helpful and hopefully will prove practical. But anyways, something in the past week knocked me back on course so I am once again living in Reality. A bargeload of issues to deal with now that I'm back on the helm (or not?), but in the long run it should prove beneficial. It has to. When you get to the place where you belong, you know it. Even though I'm back with the same problems. Hah.
Also in the news... listening to music from an illogical film whilst doing logic homework is extremely interesting. Believe it or not, I actually got something done.

Have you ever shot a man before? -No. Have you ever held a gun before? -No. What do you do for a living? -I'm a hairstylist. chk-chk.

2011-02-27T11:24:00.000-08:00

I have not watched a more pointless movie in a long time. I can't remember one that was more random. It was about Brooklyn mobsters, a dude hairstylist, a hot chick, and a kangaroo wearing a red jacket with $50grand in the pocket. Set in the outback of Australia. Told you it was random. There were some funny lines, I'll admit ("This is the most romantic moment of my life. *splash* And now it's over.") and the kangaroo was awesome (actually the only awesome part of the movie), but overall it was the biggest waste of time in at least the past year. Afterward I modified that Relient K song, Crayons Can Melt on Us for All I Care... "I. Just wasted. 90minutes of your Life."

Gave in to the coffee this morning. How can you say no to espresso roast?... But I'm going to make up for those 90 wasted minutes last night and work on the Fauré Requiem. Singing in Latin is an interesting experience. Especially when you really don't understand it, and you hope the English translation underneath is somewhat accurate.

Väsen is coming to town Wednesday, March 16th! Amazing trad band from Sweden, performing at the Kuumbwa Jazz Center. Tickets available here. Might have to skip rehearsal for that one.

Twitbook, MyFace, or Chitter...

2011-02-25T23:01:00.000-08:00

Technology is incredible. What's more incredible is how much we have come to rely on it. Social networking, GPS, internet, cellphones... What will people think 100years from now? Or even 2,000?... During my communications with the faculty at the Maritime Academy, I was told that I would probably be in one of the last classes for celestial navigation. That is completely mindblowing to think about. They're planning to throw an over 1000year old tradition out the window because of technology. Not only a tradition, a science. A science that's been around almost as long as the earth. Not looking forward to old age, except being able to say "I told you so." Now back in 2010, when they used to teach navigation by the stars, that was before they realized we were about to lose all satellite-based communication from that solar flare... Of course at that point, the heavens might have changed so much that we will need new calculations and ways of using the stars, and all this other stuff won't be any use. Who knows what's going to happen, but I still think they're taking a huge step of faith considering GPS and all that hasn't been around that long, and the sextant & chronometer have.

A lot of weird flashbacks lately have caught me in outer space. But while endeavoring to live with as few regrets as possible, things have been going pretty well. I think either way things'll work out for an interesting future. The hard part is wanting to do the opposite of what certain people tell me, but then when someone I respect tells me the same thing it puts me back in the logical position. Hah. Logic. I'm starting to think it's a myth.

Totally poned the Dmajor Prelude. Oh yeah.

Why, Mr Weather...

2011-02-24T17:11:00.000-08:00

I need to move south. ASAP. This is freezing, it's ridiculous. And apparently it is supposed to snow around these parts this weekend. Dumping rain right now. Cloud coverage makes it dark earlier. Although I must admit, there have been some interesting sunsets with all the system stuff going on in the sky. Still not sure if it's worth the temperature.

Taking a break from Bach's Prelude #5 in Dmajor. It's taken me the same amount of time to analyze 1 line as it took to do half of the last prelude. I can feel an uphill battle is just starting.

Something amazing from logic: "only if" means "then." Like in legal documents, etc.
You will be admitted to the restaurant only if you wear shoes.
Which you can translate as: "If you are admitted to the restaurant then you are wearing shoes." It doesn't mean you will be admitted if you wear shoes. English is such a weird language.

Some Lessons Learned

2011-02-22T17:37:00.000-08:00

As of today:
1. Don't stay up till 2am with an 8am class that morning.
1a. Especially if you need to give a speech in that class.
1b. Especially if that speech is not prepared.

2. Don't assume you can make up the aforesaid speech.
2a. No matter how short it is.
2b. Even if you don't care, and it's on something you know.

3. Don't leave Fred's theory homework till the last minute.
3a. EVER.
3b. Even if you think you understand it.
3c. Especially if it's Bach.

4. Practice Cheryl's assignments next time.
4a. Because I know I'm going to regret not doing it tomorrow.

5. Don't ever waste a 4day weekend like that.
5a. EVER. AGAIN.

I was going to put "stop procrastinating" as #6, but that is pretty much impossible. Never going to learn that one. Have to love my logic teacher, though. It's midweek, and the homework on the board said, "Don't do any logic AT ALL." The worst mornings still have perks.

30 People Ziplining in 80 Minutes

2011-02-20T18:36:00.000-08:00

Rockin' day at work. Group was there late, but we sent 30 people off the zipline in 1hr20 = amazing! Thats... 2.66666667 minutes per person average - which is ridiculous! Awesome crew today.

Goltermann's Serenade for 4 Cellos, for the celli/bass trio/quartet. Fated to play Goltermann, no matter where I go. But yeah, it's beautiful. Digging Eric Whitacre's October, it's epic like Barber's Adagio for Strings. But not as long. So it's basically awesome.

Figs and Polls

2011-02-09T00:54:00.000-08:00

It's way too late. But I'm awake. Another amazing adventure with the Volvo. Near the Brit. At 11pm. After an awesome session which included a lively impersonation of Scottish gangstas...
The tune, A Fig for a Kiss is my new "assignment." I think I've played it before, but I couldn't remember... but another tune is always good. =)

So tomorrow (actually this morning...) I am taking a blank piece of paper and drawing a line down the middle. One side is reasons to go to Cal Maritime, and the other is reasons not to. I want to tape it to the wall, or my cello case or something so people can add to it, so if you've got anything to put on it, leave a comment and it will get on the paper. This is going till Wednesday, February 16th, a week from today. I don't know if it will carry any weight in the final decision (I'm not desperate enough to do the sheer numbers yet), but should be extremely helpful. Thanks!

No Regrets about the Best Mistakes

2011-02-06T18:49:00.000-08:00

There's this view that I keep missing, and am so happy to have been recently reminded of. Some things don't have a right or wrong answer, it's what you make of it. What you may be doing in 10 years is kind of like going to the beach. There are multiple ways to get there, and you have to choose one. But you still end up at the beach, and about the only thing you can regret about the path you took to get there was that you missed some of the scenery from the other ones. I'm realizing you can't call something a mistake until you've seen more than the immediate effects of it. Some of my worst "mistakes" became some of the best learning experiences of my life. Grace and providence are beautiful things.

When the Cock Crows It's Day

2011-02-02T18:35:00.000-08:00

The consequences of options are decisions. And sometimes you wonder if you'll ever regret it. Back to my procrastination vocation. Tunes are good when you don't want to think about the inevitable.

More Tunes!

2011-02-02T00:41:00.000-08:00

Jack Tar was on his own for 2 weeks, and nearly went insane without the Cello... This became obvious at the session today. Awesome session, new tunes to learn: The Jewel of the Ocean, and The Cockerel at Dawn, or something to that effect, a really cool tune.

It's beautiful to see the sun again. Life is looking hopeful.

Only a Little Ironic...

2011-01-15T13:33:00.000-08:00

I think almost everything that could've gone wrong went wrong this week... At least I remembered what day it was on Thursday. It would've been much better if it hadn't been for the traffic ticket. The ticket itself wouldn't have been so bad if it had actually been from a real police officer. For some reason I seem to have a string of bad experiences connected with park rangers that goes back quite a ways...

Celestial Navigation & the End of the World

2011-01-10T22:11:00.000-08:00

Today I was informed about many spectacular things I never imagined could be floating out there. The end of 2011 is the end of the world in the Mayan calendar. 2012 is apparently the year we reach a "solar maxim" when the sun puts out an enormous amount of solar flares containing electromagnetic radiation, which apparently will destroy most of our satellites, and possible fry our electrical grid, which may take years afterwards to reconstruct so it works again. Needless to say, we will lose all internet, cell phone, and basically any electronic form of communication. We will be informed 6minutes before it hits by a satellite put up specifically for that purpose. Amazing theory. Can't wait to see if it happens.

First navigation class. I realized afterwards that I probably went way too fast with the concepts. Not many questions, and haphazard lame answers to the few that were asked... Please remind me I never want to be a professional teacher.

Page 3 of Goltermann is coming along, I'm so happy to be on to the beautiful theme in Bminor, it's so sonorous compared to the lively 1st and 2nd themes. Like something you want to sing whenever you see something beautiful. It's like a flower opening, a ripe apple falling to the grass, the sail filling with wind on a downwind course, the perfect ride on a fantastic wave, the unconditional love of the eternal Father.

If I Could See You Again...

2011-01-07T10:29:00.000-08:00

I've really been into the piano music this morning. Its supposed to be my winter break, but it just hasn't seemed like a break (by some stroke of luck I happened to send my transcripts just before the deadline I didn't know about). But it will be somewhat today, when I pull the cello out. 3 days during break is like forever.

There's supposed to be a link up there by the title somewhere, but here's the Yiruma song I found this morning that I think's amazing. His style is building on simplistic chords, and just expounding on it introspectively, which is super fun when you're messing around on the piano.

Anyways, listening to this while trying to draw believable diagrams of why Latitude & Longitude are measured in degrees reminded me of my boat buddies and all the people I've met over the years. Many of them I've lost contact with, and this introspective song reminded me of them, and curiosity about where they are now, and what they're doing. So I guess the word would be nostalgia, but it felt much cooler than that.

This is the kind of music that makes me want to live my dreams... Actually a lot of music does that, but the piano has a way of speaking to the soul that is totally separate from any other texture. There is another day to be lived, but it's also another chance to bring dreams and reality closer together. Another chance to change the world according to the Plan. Or to prepare the world for the Plan. Today is a gift.

A Beginning, a Muddle, and an End

2011-01-05T22:19:00.000-08:00

That is the name of a book about writing (books), which was talked about at First Tuesday. Nice to be back, and doing some creative writing. I really think we need to work on our process for choosing prompts, we didn't like any of the suggested ones so we ended up with two that weren't objected to... hah. Writers.
Prompts: "Goody" and "Blur(ry)." Here's what I scrawled.

It was a dark and stormy night. Oh wait, it wasn't. On a lonesome island in the Caribbean, it was anything but "dark and stormy." A tall bearded man sat under a palm tree, thinking out loud to himself.
"Hmm, fiction, fact, or exaggerated history? I could write about the moron under the only other palm tree on the other side of the island... But I've only got this one slab of rock to carve on, and a history of his stupidities would fill an encyclopedia."
The memory came to him in a blur - the reason the 2 marooned sailors on a godforsaken strip of sand in the wopwops [Australian slang for "the middle of nowhere"] would be forever enemies.
It was a hot day, and they were arguing over whether it was Tuesday or Wednesday [it was actually Saturday] when this box had washed up on shore. It was an old worn wooden cask, with printing in bold black letters that spelled out, "GOODIES." They proceeded to argue over what language it was, because nobody would be stupid enough to just write "goodies" on a crate that would end up floating in the Caribbean. The argument raged on while they scrounged for shells to pry the box open with...

I actually like it, kinda reminds me of a Garry Larson cartoon. The one where the one guy finds a crate with an ACME Sand Blaster, and is looking sinisterly over at the other guy, who is happily building a sand castle... Anyways, this scrap of creativity interests me enough to want to extend it, maybe even make it into a story (!), what an idea. My only problem is that currently I can't decide on what exactly should be in the box. It can't be empty, I already thought about that... Well I suppose technically it could, but then I'd have to think about some other way to bring a big catastrophe about. Maybe let the little grey cells work on that one...

Not Hardly Alice

2011-01-03T11:04:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to watching Alice in Wonderland, only to decide I need to read Through the Looking Glass... But surprisingly, I liked it quite a bit. The nice thing about it was that it really didn't require any thinking... It's not very similar at all to the cartoon.

Have you any idea why a Raven is like a Writing Desk?

I can get to the bottom of page 2 of the Goltermann concerto! ...Only 6 more to go...
Brilliant ideas are currently being discussed as the most epic Cello trio or duo ever created is in the works. More to follow at some future point in time...

Free like the Rain

2010-12-18T00:42:00.000-08:00

Sums it up - like the rain that is dumping right now and really needs to stop... It's liberating to know that I need never take classes again if I didn't want to. Life is full of possibilities. TLC concert was good, though opening night is like the last dress rehearsal... Epic orchestra piece at the end there ;)

A cello trio is in the making, hopefully soon. And a piano/cello piece on its way, someday when I get some ideas and get back into exploring the piano keys. Tenor and Alto clefs are starting to be a little less beastly, but I would still prefer everything to be written in Treble/Bass, and just learn to count ledger lines...

A new 21st century series of Sherlock Holmes that is viewable for free: Masterpiece | Sherlock | PBS is actually really good. Being a book person (the movie from last January could hardly have anything in common other than the name), I was delighted to find that the producers tried to stick to the books' ideas and characters as much as possible, while updating everything to the current century. Which I love, because Doyle's Holmes is very much a man of cutting edge technology (for the Victorian era), a bit beyond his time - and he's not in his fifties... Loved the nicotine patch idea.

The upside of the rain is that it reminds me its the Christmas time of year, which I kind of forget sometimes... It doesn't really affect the second derivative of a cubic function, or the volume of a cylinder inscribed in a unit sphere. But I can forget those now.

The Countdown

2010-12-08T14:26:00.000-08:00

So there are officially 9.5 days left until the fall semester ends... 9.5 creeping days... hecktic days... ridiculous days... 2 unfinished essays, 6 sections of calculus, 2 chapters of psychology, 2 chorales, and 4 finals. But I did finish theory today with a performance of my string quartet! That was fun; those are the best finals ever. Besides no finals. Haha. There is a slight possibility I could make it as a composer, which would be interesting...

One reassuring thing is that I will (hopefully) never EVER take an English class again.

Rethink...

2010-11-14T11:27:00.000-08:00

I think Christian bands should stop imitating the secular ones - you all sound the same - come up with something new! ... Explanation of why the Classical station is the only one worth listening to - ever. Irish Rhapsody no. 6 by Stanford is the awesomest I've heard in a long time.

The picture of a paramilitary school is somewhat frightening... At least I have a better idea of what I'm getting into. Not sure I like the prospect... However, I believe there's room in the dorms, and the ship cabins, for the cello. Because if the cello doesn't go, I don't go. End of story.

The cello needs a bridge job, and something funky is going on with the C string; the harmonic on the 5th doesn't tune to the rest of it - which is terrible terrible... A performance major is looking more attractive than usual at this point.

Stoked

2010-10-26T12:55:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like blowing away a perfectionist teacher with your stunning performance. Quartets were awesome yesterday, but the next chorale is quite crazy. Workin' ropes at Koinonia tomorrow! Woot. And a cancelled English class this morning. What is this, the universe being nice to me or something?! Blessings come at unexpected times from unexpected corners of life, creating resolutions to minute suspensions and retardations. Thanks.

The Passion & the Beauty

2010-10-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been blown away by the beautiful things that surround us - the blue sky, the redwoods, the ocean, the wind, the rain... and life itself. The world may be ugly, but life is beautiful. It's like a melody we are meant to sing through, carefully articulating each phrase, expressing every dynamic. It's a gift, a precious one, something we can't just throw away by searching for worldly securities. Our experiences shape who we are, where we are, and what we are becoming.

Every experience in your entire life has led up to this exact moment. -Jon Mahony

When you walk on the Path, instead of trying to run over the mud on one side or drown in the lake on the other, you start to love it. There are a lot of bends up ahead, but the Path doesn't end, and the views keep getting better.

Rantom Note

2010-10-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

English 1A is the most frustrating class I've ever had in my entire life. In 6 weeks, the extent of new information I've learned has been MLA formatting for citations. Of course, procrastinating my argumentative research paper until I have to write everything in 4 days was not a good idea (ahhh, why did I do that?!!!), but if I get a C or worse on it I couldn't care less. Which doesn't mean I won't work hard on it, but I have no expectations whatever, especially considering I haven't taken a mainstream-brainwashed-college-student view on my subject...

Elemental Wisdom fuer Musik

2010-10-04T14:49:00.000-07:00

PHRASE. If you don't have it, you don't have anything. As far as music is concerned, anyways. Correct note, correct time, correct intonation & phrasing in mind, and you can make something quite simple sound heavenly. The musicianship battle surges on...

Pacific Grove is an awesome place to contemplate the sheer power of the Pacific Ocean. Wow. Wind, waves, rocks, yeah. Amazing.

I think theoretically Happiness is something that cannot be reached. Joy, however is something different. Next philosophical debate on the burner...

Kindred Compatriots...

2010-09-29T14:01:00.000-07:00

Isn't it amazing what a couple of like-minded, motivated dudes did back in 1776? They saw the problems, the suffering, the bureaucracy, the tyranny, and they did something about it. They made a stand for humanity, they came up with a solution that honored God and men, and our respective roles on this earth. Not to mention they changed history!

Imagine if we were still an English colony. Hypothetically speaking, the world could be way more inter-connected, with England still as the leading government. Would the French Revolution still have happened if we didn't revolt first? Although there's no saying what exactly the world would be like, the point is that we would most likely be much closer to world globalization.

Now globalization is a familiar word. Many politicians, leaders and teachers alike pronounce it with reverence, like some noble and just cause worth fighting for. Or, perhaps more accurately, "peacing" for. Here comes the Dialectic - watch out! Anyways, back to thinking objectively... Is globalization really for the good of all humanity? For the peoples of the earth, not (ahem) the nations and governments? Why do we want one government for everyone? Aren't we ignoring the plight of our founding Fathers, the colonialists?

Is laying aside our sovereignty as a people and nation so we can agree with other nations something Thomas Jefferson would suggest in the face of wars and a depression worse than the Great Depression? What would he say about our current government? Perhaps we should look at a quote from The Declaration of Independence:

"That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed."

Light and transient causes, eh? Part of his point is that we should avoid changing the government for temporary reasons, which makes perfect sense. He obviously doesn't understand the current state of things, where the temporary is all that matters, but whatever (sarcasm). Is globalization worth our changing our government for? Perhaps it doesn't classify as "light and transient," but consider the outcome... Maybe that's a step too far; consider what would have to happen before we could even come close to achieving globalization.

Everyone would have to think alike, or at least agree on innumerable issues: climate change (if we assume it exists), gun control, freedom of speech, abortion, freedom of the press, transportation, freedom of religion (or lack thereof), death penalty... So basically every Right and Amendment is at stake. And who decides these? Is it the People? How can it be the People if this is international? It must then be the governments that decide. It would then fall out that the People no longer control the government, and that the government is no longer for the People.

Another question: Why do we want globalization? If we are truly going to honor diversity, we can't all have the same views, or the same government based on those sights. It might be objectively noted that the founding Fathers did not help globalization in the least. They divided the known world! Augh - conflict! (more sarcasm) They didn't go to counseling sessions with King George, or try to come to a consensus (unfortunately, Freud wasn't on the scene yet to tell them about their unconscious conflicts/desires...). It could also be noted that England was imposing it's governmental ideas on other parts of the world, and the result as we found was tyranny. Perhaps this imposing of ideas sounds familiar. That one won't get elaborated on, but there's something to be said for "getting the log out of thine own eye first."

Thank God for the founding Fathers, the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, as well as the sovereignty of the States (that's a different story altogether...). Are there contemporary kindred spirits to these unusual men? I'm sure there are. If you're like them, you'll do something about bureaucracy and tyranny when you see it. Although pessimism is easy, all is not lost. We still have rights worth fighting for. Here's to the Republic (and another curve ball of dissonance, haha)

Bach was a Genius...

2010-09-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

Analyzing a few of Bach's chorales (1 so far this semester, but countless ones last year) make me appreciate his musicality so much more! Every note is there for a reason, with potential chords everywhere (all those passing 7ths!). It can make analyzing really confusing (wait, what key does this make sense in?) but totally worth it when you get through the penultimate chord.

For theory, we have a final project of something original we composed. I'm still throwing ideas around, but I think a trio would be nice (2 violins & a cello) in A minor, with a cool key change into C# minor... I don't know, the C# minor might not work. I keep hearing a Corelli concerto going on somewhere in my subconscious, so it might be leaning towards that, although obviously it won't be that long. I made up a little circle of fourths bit that's going to go somewhere in the middle, it's pretty much entirely subdominants but it sounds cool.

I think Goltermann just liked writing gnarly cello pieces...

Career Advice and Robbing Trains

2010-09-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

Do What You Love. That's what a lot of people tell me. I think it's true to an extent. But like most rules, there must be exceptions... what if you love more than one thing, and they're virtually incompatible? Mine aren't completely, but it would take some figuring out to make them both work at the same time. Thoughts to chew on... What if the thing you love is robbing trains?...

The Great Train Robbery - it was excellent! Having never read Michael Chrichton before, I was pleasantly surprised with his writing style. I could really believe he totally researched Victorian culture, the way he wrote about everything made me feel like I was in it, living it. Parts of it were grungy, but it made the Victorian underworld seem so realistic. And the antihero factor. You really got to admire Edward Pierce as a criminal and supermind. Always so cool and collected, outrageous... and terribly evil. The societal issues at stake were remarkable. On reflection, it was rather like reading a Sherlock Holmes novel from the backside, or the criminal's point of view.

The cello has been tucked away in the livingroom for about a week now, deprived and ignored. The piano and the Bach Chorales have been recieving most of the attention lately, because they're part of my class grades... However, I have a little time for more challenging work; mainly the rest of the first cello suite.....

Beauty is the expurgation of the superfluous.
-Michaelangelo

Alice in Wonderland

2010-08-22T16:00:00.001-07:00

Last week I was on an Alice in Wonderland trip, although I haven't seen the new movie. I cannot see any one thread of thought throughout the entire book, which makes it confusing, and when it ended I was like, "ok, well... that was interesting I guess." Not quite knowing what to make of it. Most books you come out of with a new perspective on life, or a different idea about some subject, but this just left me with feeling perhaps I could understand what hallucinating is like. Although I have heard that there is something in it to do with mathematical equations (I'll have to check into that), I must admit I've wondered about Lewis Carrol's sanity. From a writer's perspective, it would be rather fun to just write a book out of whatever happens to come to mind, which seems to be exactly what he's done. He must have liked white rabbits...

Define the Blog...

2010-08-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

A note to all concerned:
This is not a journal, it's a blog. It has a number of topics, mostly Ocean, Writing/Reading/Novel, Music - related. Explanation of deleting previous posts that do not fit the topic(s). Sometimes a random post will pop up about politics or a narrated piece of life I'm going to put in a story someday, but I'm just saying I'm going to do my best to stick to the BLOG part of blog. Here's a sentence I wrote a while ago that I like:

The rain still rains, the wind still blows, and the ocean hasn't dried up yet, so all is well with the world.

Relatively, I mean... In a bookworm- romanticist sort of way, "all is well with the world."

New Experiences

2010-08-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

One of the newer things in the last 6 monthsish is my joining the Santa Cruz Sea Scouts, which has been an interesting ride so far. There are some things I like about it, and other things I do not, which I will not be specific about. Last Thursday through this Monday I went on their summer cruise; this year it was to Monterey (we have a green crew, so they decided against going to Catalina/So. Cal).

The ride to Monterey was pretty nice; I'm the appointed Navigator, so I taught a couple of scouts about how plotting a course etc. works; we also saw a couple of Humpbacks and a pod of dolphins go by. Not so nice was the fact that the radar is not currently working (although it was only light fog, its still a good safety), and, once we got over to the anchorage, the doubts about whether the anchor windlass was functioning... AHHH! Anyways, Monterey was nice and cold an' foggy, like it usually is in June, July and August. Some of the crew went swimming, and I think I took a nap, I don't remember... Day #2 I spent about 6 hours (morning till after lunch) learning about taking apart outboard motors, and I actually learned alot, so it was a good learning opportunity. After that I went ashore with Andy, our executive officer, and Brent, junior officer, and we walked to Sand City to get parts for a water line that busted, and look for some fuses for the radar, and Trader Joe's (always good :). Next day we decided to head for Santa Cruz, trip over etc., which is not really noteworthy.

Our second day in Santa Cruz (we anchored right off the wharf, in front of the Boardwalk) we walked through the Boardwalk and went on the Big Dipper (woooot!), stood around watching the salt water taffy machine (wooot!) and walked along the railroad tracks and did a loop to avoid the Boardwalk on the way back. Hiked along West Cliff Drive to the lighthouse/surf museum where I found some awesome postcards (hey, I was on a trip, okay, we had to act like tourists...) and headed back to the ship. This was all very entertaining, as we were in a sarcasticly humorous way. Yes, "sarcasticly" is a word. As of... now.

Back on the ship, Brent and I decide we need to take the Lido 14 (sailboat) out. No big deal, I'm the person in charge of sailing anyways. It's a pretty breezy afternoon with no clouds overhead, and there's some boats from the harbor out scooting around by the mile bouy. Brent is newer at sailing, but I put him at the tiller anyways, because that's how you learn; sails up, we cast off the Steeves and head out for some fun.

I explain a little about how the steering for sailboats works, and what angle to aim for with the wind. We get going pretty fast, and heel a little; I'm trimming the sails for optimum speed... Then we're sailing really fast, and we're almost standing up on the windward side of the boat, so I tell Brent we might want to tack.

WHAP! We tack, but we're still blasting along like snot, so I say let's head downwind a bit, but we're already heeling way waaaay over, and then we're going up into the wind (which gets you going even faster); I'm thinking I should let out the sails (the last chance to avoid capsizing), but it's those self-locking cleats that suck to undo when you're in a hurry, and I can't get on the other side of the boat 'cause we're heeling so much, and it's slow motion as some water comes over the gunnel, and then WHAP - we tack; at that point Brent loses all rudder control as she rounds up again, and -slooow motion- we heel waaaaaaaaay over, and its so far over we can't keep balance, then all of a sudden we're in the air, and SPLOOSH!

Luckily, we're both wearing life jackets. The boat finishes flipping completely over as my head pops out of the water and Brent gets untangled from the main sheet. The water actually didn't feel very cold, because we were both so shocked about actually capsizing the boat. I'd never flipped a boat before, so I didn't have much of an idea about how to right one, but we definitely learned how. We hauled ourselves up on top of the hull and stood on one side, standing on the gunnel. Andy came by and helped us out with three other people, and we finally managed to right it. We realized that because the bow of the Lido is a big cubby, it's the heaviest part and is super full of water, so to right it you have to stand close to the bow and kinda roll it on the bow, which lets the stern come up and over first.

Some lifeguards came by and were a huge hassle, even though they meant well. We bailed some of the water (there was SO much water) before the lifeguard boat came up and told us we couldn't... anyways, we managed to tow it back to the ship, and I believe that's the closest either of us have come to the first stages of hypothermia. Big excitement of the trip, and a good learning experience to boot. At first it was a shock, and I felt really bad about it, but later it was pretty funny. There were a bunch of people on the wharf taking pics of us, and we kind of regretted not having a video of us going over (our faces must have been comical to see).

That's the latest, and I thought I should try and write that out in story form for the explanation and entertainment of those who weren't present. In other news, I'm contemplating rearranging the shed for at least a study area, and feeling like I should try and do some creative writing... It's summer, after all, and I have till the 31st, and it's going by way too fast.

Back to the Blog...

2010-07-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

Hey, I'm back! ...Or I'll try to be back anyways. Like my new format? It fits the title. [If you do not understand the title, see the post from April 09, titled :-) ]

Lots has changed since my last post here, but my love for the sea, music, writing and life in general has not. I've just grown up some. I'll probably add to the book list.

My story, Foul Weather Friends, (there is a link to its blog but I don't recommend it; its been in the cobwebs a LONG time) is now "going somewhere" a little. It's getting published in The Word Shop's compilation of their writers, which has me super stoked! I spent about 2 months (November and December) reediting and basically revamping the whole thing. I haven't looked at it since about Mayish, but I was pretty happy with it last time I did read through it. It's definitely finished, I seriously couldn't add anything, even I do write the sequel. I will definitely need to learn some history if I do... (sorry to all the history buffs who did not find my story up to par)

I'm considering attempting NaNoWriMo again this year, but we'll see if it happens, with all the school and things.

Musik Hören

2009-04-29T18:06:00.000-07:00

New music is good... I really like this song, the harmonyness of it is awesome. The lyrics, however... haha. Problem with alot of my favourite songs. Including that Elliott Smith song, yeah...

The past few days have been a little... different. Parts of them were really really good, but then there were weird times. I guess thats just what I get. Jam session was awesome! ;)

So I found I can sing Alto. I survived part of Chorale singing it anyways, haha. Haven't sung in a really long while... Das Cello took over! I've made it to the end of the Bach suite, so now I just gotta work it and start slurring...

I've had a lot of emailing to do in German... It's really hard when you're trying to say something but not sure how. Or idioms! Ahh! But es geht.

:-)

2009-04-21T22:38:00.000-07:00

This is turning out to be an awesome week. Things are just going along... Yeah I still got German homework, but it'll be done tomorrow. Even having a stupid cold didn't make it bad.

So now I am so plugged into music, its incredible. Wish I had more time to practice. If only I didn't have German... Ah well. I have to work on this reel, it sounded so horribly scrappy tonight... It'll sound awesome when I get it all in place. Session next week--If you can come, please do! Tuesday, 7pm, Saint Andrews, free.

To explain the new title in a little more detail, a Jack Tar is an old slang term for a sailor, coming from old times on schooners and square riggers, when they wrote sea shanties. The title could have 2 possible meanings, which sort of relate to me. The first one would group Jack Tar with the Cello, so like their adventures ashore together. The second would be Jack Tar by himself, and then the Cello ashore (kind of legendary sounding), so like a ballad. Like being torn between being at sea (for he is indeed Jack Tar!) and the lovely Cello he's discovered ashore.

Both randomly apply to me on different days. Today would definitely be a meaning #1 day, whereas when I'm homesick, it's always the #2.

wise men and wise guys

2009-04-03T23:49:00.000-07:00

I think that has to have been the longest week in a while. I had shorter classes this week, but the minutes sat down, rolled over and crawled their way around the clock. Strange phenomenon. At least I only had 1 midterm. I flunked the math quiz; I blanked the minute the paper was in front of me... good thing its only 10 points and I'm not caring about points anymore and consequently I'd really like it to be summer right now.

I laughed alot today. I think I had to make up for all those horrible weeks in the recent past when I could've laughed but didn't. Today was interesting and fun; something like Jon said, "New people are cool, old friends are amazing." There was some realization of how small the world is - "wait, what?..." Pretty funny at the same time. Paha -- "it was funny." Good times...

Somehow life looks alot better. I've got 2 days to get myself into another stupid predicament -- bring it on! Not that my predicament has been stupid, just not planned well. I hate it when somebody makes something that could be cool awkward and stupid sounding. Not in so many words, but basically changing a situation that I figured would be easy. Well, it just turned out to not be the situation I thought it would, so this is way harder than the usual because I have to rethink my normal strategy of interaction. I mean, a simple conversation should be easy, but somehow it's turned into a complex line of planning and forethought. It shouldn't be that! Maybe I should just go back to letting the conversation take care of itself and not caring how it changes the situation by the end. What am I saying?! Obviously I overthink things, and it's too late to try digging for the phychological answer to the strange phenomenon of making friends. By the way, this paragraph has nothing to do with the other ones, and is in no way connected to what I did today.

There were so many good quotes flying around today -- ah! I wish I'd written them all down. Here's a couple I do remember, though. "Everything in your life has led up to this exact moment." "Why is there a difference between wise men and wise guys?" At least one person will get this, and I'm laughing about it now. It was while people-watching some hysterical junior-highers: "We should put up a sign that says: We're Watching. And Laughing."

"Wax on, wax off."

comin up to breathe

2009-03-26T17:29:00.000-07:00

That describes me at this exact moment in time. For about 2 hours I've been catching my breath since walking out of that classroom, with only my cello to weigh on my shoulder. It must take some time to decompress from Exam Mode, because I still feel out of breath. I still feel a tendency to crack open the nearest textbook and glean every useful bit of info out of it, testing and retesting myself... Its strange to think its mostly past. Only music fundamentals midterm left, and I am not worried one bit about it.

During practice with my new group from orchestra (3 violinists) we flipped through my Scottish tune book by Cpt. Fraser and really found a gem. It's a pipe reel called The Periwig, and I instantly fell in love with the sound. It's a pretty simple melody, and the rhythm is fun but not completely beyond me. I'm really looking forward to checking that one out closer.

What a great sense of freedom there now is. I have an entire day ahead of me tomorrow with minimal homework, beautiful weather and no midterms to needs worry about. Coming back to breathing is terrific.

Finé! -thats italian for finish or end

2009-03-22T14:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I've ever been happier a week was over. Think I did allright on the CHSPE... I know I passed at least half of it. If anything, I'll have to retake the mathematics section in June. But I don't have to think about it anymore, at least not till the results come out in mid-April.

Jetzt, die Deutschhausarbeit!! noooo..... Actually, I got over half of it done this afternoon, so it shouldn't be too bad come Thursday. Aw muffins, forgot about the math test at the end of this week... Will my life ever be anything more interesting than studying?! ...maybe after midterms? lol

Well the Amit Peled concert was inspiring. He really puts everything into his playing, and the tone - ahhhh I wanted to die, it was so clear and colourful and soft! That cello just sang like it had a voice of its own. Beautiful playing, impeccable intonation... I wonder if I'll get there? Meh, probably not, but its a nice idea.

The ocean calls me in more ways than one... If I get next Sunday off I think I'll see what the surf is doin.

Random poem...

2009-02-12T19:32:00.000-08:00

Yeah, another poem... this one I made up back in December after an incident. and for some reason I like it because it pretty much doesn't make any sense at all. And it doesnt rhyme. And it really doesnt have that much to do with the incident.

December evening, cold and crisp
Wishing I was somewhere warm
Nervously twitching a hasp
Staring at the stars, full magnitude
Stuck here together
Not the least awkward
Laughing stupidly
Religious discussions ensue
What are we doing here?
You asked first
Those bronze children are creepy.

tricksy...

2009-02-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

Stole this one from Jon...
Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, & enter yours. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real . . . nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

1. What is your name: Krista

2. A four Letter Word: Kill

3. A boy's Name: Karson

4. A girl's Name: Kjiersti (Swedish, pronounced Shear-st-E)

5. An occupation: Korean Instructor (as in the language)

6. A color: Khaki

7. Something you wear: Kilt

8. A hobby: Knitting (believe it or not, i was stuck on that one for a while)

9. A food: Kippers

10. Something found in the bathroom: Kleenex

11. A place: Kilimanjaro

12. A reason for being late: Kangaroo crossing the road.

13. Something you shout: Killick!!

14. A movie title: Kidnapped

15. Something you drink: Koolaide

16. A musical group: Korn

17. An animal: Koala

18. A street name: Kennedy Drive

19. A type of car: Koenigsegg CCXR (sorry, had to google that one)

20. The title of a song: Klippings Handskar by Vaesen

Grasping Pebbles

2009-01-29T18:09:00.000-08:00

Sitting on a log, thinking of you
The sun so bright, the shadows so slim
One could think it was summer again

Oceans between us, the endless depths of blue
And the crest of a wave that nobody caught
Leaving a salty dew

The sand it slips away, as in a glass it were
I reach and grasp, but only to find
The pebbles you shook from your shoe
They clink and rattle, and hit the ground
If only I could have found
You.

impatience

2009-01-20T20:54:00.000-08:00

I think thats my problem. For one thing, trying to get 3 difficult songs in new key signatures to sound perfect all in one day is just plain impossible. Ok, maybe if you were Paganini or someone amazing like that... But I'm not Paganini. I just need to cool a bit; I've been practicing for over 3 hours today and normally I only go for about 1 hour.

I picked up a Scottish tune book at Thomas Music today, as well as an Eb pennywhistle... I don't know what compelled me to get the whistle, but it seemed reasonable because its way more portable than my cello. Anyways, I picked out the melody to Lone Mountain on it, and then of course I had to start that on my cello as soon as I got home...

I almost had it together when I remembered the Scottish tune book, and so out came The Saint Kilda Wedding, which on first run-through didn't sound like anything. I managed to find a clip online - a clip at twice the speed you would normally play it. I don't know if that helped much. After struggling to get it to sound like an actual song for about an hour, I went over to the piano and figured the rhythym out, and then tried to do it again on my cello for about another 45 minutes... I didn't get much farther. It still sounds like crap when I play it. Maybe I'm tone-deaf... Or could it be that I'm taking on too many things at the same time? Certainly not! Ahhh this is really bugging me!!!

So, while Saint Kilda is killing me, there's not alot else going on. I wouldn't mind having Paganini's fingers right now...

Christmas

2008-12-25T13:10:00.001-08:00

I feel the total meaning of Christmas at all has been completely lost in America. It's the Coca-cola Santa and stockings, and making sure you have the right present for every remote member of your extended family. I've made a strong distinction between the two words - Gift and Present.

Everyone talks about presents... Presents are anything, and used synonymously with gifts. Present has a definite commercial feel for me, it's not personal. It's something I bought you at Macy's because you happen to be my cousin and I'd feel bad if I didn't get you something like the rest of the family. Not that it doesn't have value, or wasn't well thought, but a present just isn't what the meaning of a gift is.

For me, a gift is something from the bottom of your heart. It's a piece of me for you. It has meaning for both of us, and isn't given because of guilt or the season. Maybe it's small, it's cheap, or it's entirely practical but that doesn't affect its value, because it has a different value than material alone. I didn't give it to you because I gave something to everyone else, not because it's Christmas. It's not for a self-reason because that's not true giving.

It's a deeper feeling, it's a small imitation of God the Father sending his Son to earth. After all, that is The Gift. It's the reason for Christmas.

I've worked the past few days on arranging Christina's Journey for cello, and I think I'm almost on the peak of success! It's like climbing a hill and you can almost see the view of the other side. It's such a pretty piece, though it's worth the frustration of first learning it in a different key and realizing it 2 days later and having to transpose it to the proper key, but anyways.

Stare at the Sun

2008-12-07T12:19:00.000-08:00

I. Put your iTunes on shuffle.
II. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
III. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Ballad of Big Nothing

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Phoenix Rising

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Heart Shaped Walls

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Wake Up [hahaha...]

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Big Wish

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Maintain Consciousness

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Hummer

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Rose Parade

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Luna

10. WHAT IS 2+2?
All We Know

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Sound of Sleat

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lay My Burdens

13. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Cold Cash and Colder Hearts [haha i hope not]

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Silhouette

15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Hope for Every Fallen Man [hahahaha]

16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Dance With a Stranger

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
The Abolition of Man

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
La Musica Notturna Delle Strade di Madrid No.6, Op.30

19. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Track 2

20. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
What Does it Take?

21. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Silverfuck

22. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Straight Through the Heart

23. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Caught in the Middle

24. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Stare at the Sun

End of a Weekend and Beginning of a Week

2008-11-23T12:19:00.000-08:00

I think it's interesting that the Germans have Monday as the beginning of the week. It kind of makes sense because people usually get Sunday off, so that would make it seem more like it should be at the end and not the beginning. But then Sunday is a special day, so it also makes sense to put it as the first day because it has a sort of symbolism that we must first put our eyes on God before focusing on the rest of our lives.

I've added a few more links, and I finally came up with a name for my mostly finished story! The formerly "under-construction" Aboard the Emily is now officially christened Foul Weather Friends. Where's the wine bottle?... Anyways, I think it is finished for now (it's been finished since July), but I may add a few bits here and there coming up on winter break or something.

I dropped out of National Novel Writing Month for the reason that I had too much going on at the time when I needed to lay down the tracks. Working on the weekends didn't help. Neither did German midterms. And I got bored of the story, there really wasn't much going on. But hopefully next year I'll have come up with a good idea that will develop better.

I'm excited about going to a concert put on by David Brewer this coming Friday. It's a CD release concert of Celtic tunes from 18th century Scottish manuscripts. It should be a good show, so I encourage anyone who's interested to come. You can check out the link to his website I added for more information.

The concert I'm performing in (with the Cabrillo Strings) is just around the corner now! We've been practicing nonstop. I'm starting to get the hang of the bowing technique for the Hallelujah Chorus, it's supposed to be played very fast. I'm working up to it, though. And that's about all that's new.

(no title)

2008-11-21T10:28:00.000-08:00

There is no name for this one. It's written for all my friends Ive met and left (haha, story of my life). Comments/suggestions welcome. Didn't quite turn out like I wanted, but whatever.

Fair winds
And a following sea,
That's always the parting
For you and me

We've been in port,
Now it's time to leave,
Our days were short,
Spent accordingly

Now I find
It's much too soon,
I'd stowed my gear
Before I'd met you

I came to know
Our paths had crossed,
And they would go
Just as the past

Maybe a letter,
Perhaps a memory
Would let me remember
These days gone by

You went your way,
I went mine,
I'll look out for you
In the corner of my eye

That part of me gone,
I look back to see
The land slowly fading from view,
And the only thing
That's been left to me
Is our laughter,
Blending to blue.

Musings...

2008-11-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

"I mused while the fire flickered." A quote that just started ringing after I typed the title of this post. For some reason, I think it would look rather good if it was spelled flickred instead. The extra e is strenuous. But then of course it would be flick-red, and therefore the other e would have to be dropped also. Flickrd: that looks rather old-Englishy. Or abbreviated. Anyhow, rambling again...

I've got homework to be done. But the quote keeps shouting "Why waste time learning when ignorance is instantaneous?" Not that I believe it... For one second, as far as that goes. Ignorance is Stupidity, and is the weapon of the fool. Or the downfall, perhaps. Learning improves the mind, anyway. But I felt like writing a post that wasn't poetry, like the last 5million. Sorry for anyone who loathes poetry. If you write, you understand.

When you write (as a verb this time) you do understand. It all becomes clear as pen meets paper and thoughts are transferred from air to ink. Or something of the sort.

I've been trying to come up with a poem (I know, I know, sorry! it won't leave me alone) for all the people I meet for a short time and then depart from. Mostly like the people I met cruising. I find it interesting, because for the short time I know people, friendship starts much more rapidly than when you have a couple years of seeing the person before your first conversation with them. It's just different. I can recall a few people I knew in person for only a few days, maybe a week, before our paths went in different directions. And I still know them! Email definitely has changed the world. There are a couple people like that that I know more through their emails than anything else. It's rather strange, but its there. And not as strange as many other things of this world.

Well, it's back to work for me now. I'm not sure if I will stay with the Novel Writing Month, life just seems to have gotten in the way...

something i found...

2008-11-09T19:13:00.000-08:00

Kind of an interesting poem i found... I think I wrote it a few months ago. Anyhow.

I'm not real, I live beyond the sea,
Controversial, unbelievable, fantastically,
It's a cage made of gold,
There's chrome on the floor,
The adventure never gets old,
'Till I try to open the door,

I'm locked in here,
You're waiting outside,
You can't free me,
But I wish we could compromise,

If I could whisper in your ear,
You wouldn't wait no more,
I'll be stuck inside until I die,
'Cause my life isn't mine,

Ride a stallion of wind,
Build a cloudy castle,
New fantasies come in,
But none are worth the hastle,

A breath upon the glass,
Real lips without,
Beckon me to come,
But it will do no good to shout.

more poems... and a bit closer!

2008-11-07T17:02:00.000-08:00

Yes, more poems... They keep coming to mind. And please note I am not suicidal... I don't think. Almost to 4k words on the Novel! It's sweetness...
#1
Sitting here, time flies by,
So do skateboards, life is screwed,
So am I,
Payphones suck, All-Stars squeak,
I hate it being the middle of the week,
Puddles of mud, the sidewalk is sleek,
Our president's a fudd, he's run by a clique,
But I don't care, I'll sail away,
I'll be the one who lives another day,
Under the stars, in open sea,
I'll put myself down for eternal sleep.
#2
I want to be found, but I'm hiding away,
I don't want to be noticed, but I'm out in the day,
Believe me it seems, I'm at war with myself,
I too often find I'm the book on the shelf,
I'm the piece that won't fit,
The door that won't shut,
The girl at the library,
And the one who likes to cut,
I write love on my arms,
But I wish I was dead,
I won't come to harm,
But be lonely instead,
I often wonder why I write these things,
Is my heart all cut up,
Or just full of dings?

Go away stupid poems!...

2008-10-30T14:37:00.000-07:00

It just started raining today! Everything is green!...Yeah, you can tell I'm excited, this is my first rain in a long time.
My mind is starting to fill with random poems again, and it's annoying me to death because most are amazingly lame and pointless. I'll only type you one sample...

There is a life beyond this desk

A sea beyond this drop of ink

An ocean beyond this lake of assignments

A break of surf beyond this ripple of pages.

Down to the sea, down to the sea

The sand between my toes

Down at the surf, under the sky

Where all that's left of me goes.

That was schpieled out during the minutes before German class. I don't know why it came to mind because I wasn't upset at being behind a desk, being given assignments, or even being at school for that matter. I just wish I'd stop subconciously making up poems for everything I do and everything around me. It's quite annoying at times.

I'm finally banging out some random points on my characters. I've got the quirks of my girl character mostly worked out, now I just have to start on Buster Kliney, who I am going to shoot for making as eccentric as is believably possible. And then some. I still need a funny name for the girl, I can't believe I haven't come up with something ironic yet... All suggestions welcome! She does not have a physical description either...
Well here's to rain and storms and novels. Cheers!

colours

2008-10-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

The colours are brown
And they're fading to grey
Remember when they used to be green
They were orange long ago
When the sun shone down
They're going to be grey
But now they're brown.
***

Yeah, I know, its pretty lame... I made it up while I was doing chores and I got it stuck in my head. Anyways.

Ok, so what's this thing about grey? I really wonder, is it grey or gray? I think grey looks better, but which is the right one to use... Is it that grey is the adjective, like when somebody looks grey, and gray is the colour? This really has me peaked, I wonder where I can look it up...

Ok, ok, this is sounding really lame now so I'll be off. For the record, I don't post like this usually.

politics & evil humans

2008-09-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

Ga!!! I hate humans! ...Lately Ive just been smelling the stench of American politics and I do not like it one bit. What are they doing to my wonderful country?!

Here's McCain saying we'll be in Iraq for over 100 years (that made me think twice about having him in office) and then there's the Bush Admin (with their buddies the Federal Reserve) bailing out banks and companies with TRILLIONS of dollars!! Not Millions, or Billions, but TRILLIONS!!! Just paper, printed out like newspaper. And you're wondering why your money isn't worth anything anymore??? "Girl, PLEASE!"

I need to go read my Bible. I can't take this anymore. Humanity has thouroughly disgusted me.

A start...

2008-09-19T17:35:00.000-07:00

Well I just started typing, and I think this'll be a pretty good beginning...

“Mein Name ist Muller, Barbhara Muller.” Gosh I hate that woman… The way she said “Barbara” made a shiver go up and down my spine. Couldn’t she give me a break and just sound normal for once? She sounded like a bloody ATM machine. The only thing was she was a bloody ATM machine. And it was newly-spilt blood, to be exact.

I didn’t like being a secretary/assistant to a retired Scotland Yard officer in San Francisco. Buster Kliney was a strange man. What was he doing in San Francisco, anyway? He had no finances, no family (that I knew about), and no connections here that would induce him to endevour to solve crimes. Nevertheless, here we were on a cold, foggy, midweek morning at a random ATM machine outside of Safeway. Nothing could seem weirder.

Reckless Youth

2008-09-13T13:13:00.000-07:00

Second day away from home – you’re free! Well, the fact is you’ve been free for two whole days now, but the first day can’t really be counted.

The very first day never counts. It is set aside for all the craziness of finding building 500 (which involves getting lost and circling campus), juggling books while trying to act like you know what you’re doing, and scraping that gob of watermelon chewing gum off your shoe. Not to mention keeping all those last-minute bits of advice from Mom, from the ones that made sense (“always stay on the outside when you go around a corner”) to the ones that were just ridiculous (“scrutinize the chili from the cafeteria before you try eating it”).

But the second day you are your own person. Maybe it’s time to try living life a little differently. This day could possibly be one you won’t forget.

The way you start the day is definitely different. Whereas the day before you were fifteen minutes early, today challenges your speed as you arrive exactly on time for class. Unfortunately the English teacher, Miss Primsley, had decided to start early as most of the class was there. The day doesn’t look very promising as Miss Primsley gives you a cold look over the top of her spectacles.

Fearing the worst about your history class, you decide to cut the corner. It turns out to be a bad idea as you knock over a girl with an armload of books. Helping her to her feet and gathering her books with a crimson face and many apologies, you carefully make your way to your next class…

Nutella and Sherlock Holmes

2008-04-03T11:45:00.000-07:00

Nutella is actually quite tasty, I happened to pick up a jar here in Mexico. Funnily enough, it brought back memories of Koinonia last summer. There was a jar of it and we just put it on everything. I mean everything... well, of course we did the same thing with the hot sauce, but...
Spreads in general I find quite interesting. Australians have a spread called Vegemite, which I've heard is a byproduct of beer. People seem to have mixed opinions about it, most of the individuals who have mentioned it to me either love it or hate it, which I personally have yet to test it. It's supposed to go on toast or bread in a very thin layer.
One prominent saying I've heard about this sort of thing is that one must be raised around it in order to like it. In some ways it may be true (for example, I don't like oysters), but it could just be an old wives' tale (for example, I like Nutella and steak). I really don't know how I got off on spreads and food, because I really meant to write about Sherlock Holmes.
I've found Holmes singularly intellectually stimulating, which is something I rarely find in certain books, depending on what mood I'm in. The powers of observation and deduction are truly amazing to read about, although I find it hard to apply to the modern-day world. Holmes' one and only character is in itself the mark of an expert penman.
Well, I have to go read The Life of Lafayette for school, which I am really not looking forward to, as it really has not succeeded in obtaining my undivided interest.